After all

I picked you from the floor when your anxiety held you down. I drove you home when it throttled your throat. I was there for you when the walls suffocated, squeezing the breath out your soul. Held you close, your ear against my chest, the calm beat of my heart slowing down yours. Salty tears drowned your eyes but I always made sure you came up for air. I carried you to bed when you had no more strength, when all your courage ran streaks down your face. I took your hand when it’s all you could give, faced your demons so you didn’t have to. When you felt like cutting I managed to be your skin, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me like you hurt you. I’d take your cuts, I’d be your drug and absorb your angst. I don’t know where it fell through, I don’t know where it broke, I look back and perceive that I am more than you deserve. You filled my life with gaps that grow with every single memory. If what you gave was love then I’m better off without.

Remembrance

Wistful I lay here dreaming
I trace a fingertip up her lonesome thigh
Nothing but moonlight fills the air
Not a sound, no despair. Lightly I kiss her skin. There’s nothing in between. Slow, deep and deliberate breath fills my lungs with her scent. No comparison. Waking to the sound of loneliness, the only breathing left is my own. Substance induced sleep results in the same daily remembrance. No more scent no more warmth, no more you.

Not today

If I knew it would be the last dance I would have danced till my legs gave way
I would have held you closer in that hug goodbye
How did this end when it was a fresh start
So many bad choices tore us apart

Why couldn’t we save it
Where was the fight, where was your heart
Where was the promise of once in a lifetime
Nothing but ashes, like all of the memories
Was so easy to just let me go
I would have taken on the world, but I couldn’t compete with him

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