After all

I picked you from the floor when your anxiety held you down. I drove you home when it throttled your throat. I was there for you when the walls suffocated, squeezing the breath out your soul. Held you close, your ear against my chest, the calm beat of my heart slowing down yours. Salty tears drowned your eyes but I always made sure you came up for air. I carried you to bed when you had no more strength, when all your courage ran streaks down your face. I took your hand when it’s all you could give, faced your demons so you didn’t have to. When you felt like cutting I managed to be your skin, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me like you hurt you. I’d take your cuts, I’d be your drug and absorb your angst. I don’t know where it fell through, I don’t know where it broke, I look back and perceive that I am more than you deserve. You filled my life with gaps that grow with every single memory. If what you gave was love then I’m better off without.

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